Zelda Halopile first surfaced on the Internet in 2010 but sightings of this mysterious creature have been prolific throughout history.
Back in 1997, Dr Frinton Birkenhead discovered cave paintings in Australia that depict mysterious, alien-like beings, one of which bares similar attributes to that of Zelda Halopile.
Since then, photographs from throughout the nineteenth century have been put forward as containing a striking resemblance to this mask-wearing thing.
Zelda is very real. Of its past, very little is known. In its recent book Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? Zelda reveals its ability to manipulate time and dimension, along with other supernatural abilities.
Who is Zelda? What do we know?
It is a writer
It is a film maker
It swears a lot
It likes horror films
It likes heavy metal
It hates sheeple
It adores and respects the Absurd
It hates racists, homophobics and other arseholes
It talks to people on Facebook (which she calls Fakebook)
It has said that it will disappear in August of 2020
It wears a mask
It is hundreds, if not thousands of years old
It peeps through people’s windows hoping to see nipples
If it catches you or you pay her a visit, she will throw a torrent of abuse at you and then wreck your pelvis.
She has been married, her late husband, ‘Simply’ Gary, was killed by a brown bear. His remains were discovered in a bin liner next to a road. Police have been bothering Zelda ever since.
You can find out more about this mysterious creature on this website.
Please be warned, she swears a bit and some people may find the swear words shocking. It may even inspire you to shoot your fellow classroom buddies or even become a terrorist.