Dickheads are everywhere! They live in houses near to you. They lurk among your social circle. You can see them walking down the street. The annoying sons of bitches are even among your family. Maybe YOU are a dickhead! I’m not.
Dickheads are different to dicks. Dicks are the sort of people who are scathing and annoying. Nobody likes them. They are arrogant. They are dicks. No there is a big difference between dicks and dickheads, and right now I am talking about dickheads.
The words pretentious and attention seeking summarise them pretty well. They are guy and girls that can’t quite decide whether they are living in the 70s, 80s or 90s… even bits of the 60s are in there! They are alternative. Nothing wrong with being alternative but fucking pace yourself. Take it easy. No need to shove it down everyone’s throats.
They are easy to spot. Both the male and the female version of this annoying killable beast. Places like Urban Outfitters tend to be a rutting ground for them. Their quiffs, their sockless feet stuffed into pie-crust shoes, their really, REALLY thick rimmed glasses (which they do not need), their vintage jacket seven sizes too small for them. These things disgust me when combined.
Back in the good old days of Blur and Oasis, there was a massive increase in retro types all drifting around with the smell of a pensioners house emanating from their clothes. Hair was fashioned into a Lego style and flared trousers were the way to go. Fake accents were splurging from their lips. These were not dickheads. These were the ingredients. These were the left nutt.
Much later the Indie sound morphed and became mainstream. It was no longer indie and as things mixed and blended 80s shit got mixed in. Synth became ‘cool’ along with ‘8-bit’ chip sounding stuff. This was muddled up with the indie look. Next add a bobble hat with massive earmuffs. A dickhead is born.
Pink shirts on guys, trilbys on girls, trousers so tight that they will sterilise both sexes, classic rock shirts on people who don’t like rock, dressing like a geek but not being one (nothing wrong with being a geek for real). Dickheads. Blokes with plunging v-necks that almost reach their naval, exposing their birdcage chest. Dickheads!
Any person that you see walking down the street that is dressed like a fucking lost property box that has not been emptied since the 60s AND has exploded all over them deserves to be ignored. Yes, ignore them. They WANT you to look at them and go, “Oh, I wish I had the courage to wear those delightful threads.” I know we are not thinking this at all BUT dickheads are totally fucking ignorant to their surroundings. They actually believe that they are the second coming of Christ and the worst thing that you can do in both scenarios is to look away or break wind near them.
If you are unfortunate enough to have a dickhead in your social circle then you know that you are not as great as them. You picked up a copy of the latest album by a band you really like! WELL Dickhead has a ltd edition signed version that was only made available for 32 seconds. Would have been much nicer if the dickhead was to join in the conversation that you were having instead defeating you in a battle you didn’t know you were having.
As I write this, a dickhead has literally just walked past me. He was wearing skin-tight jeans, a blue dog-tooth suit jacket WITH blue shiny elbow patches. His wafer thin upper body is clothed with a red, white and blue shirt. His hair was thick and air-blowed back into a colossal ‘bike helmet’ and as he walked he actually put a little ‘bob’ in his step so that the hair moved like a punchable brown cloud. Fucking dickhead.
Still, if my vagina only had one go left in it I would probably let him take a shot whilst I whispered into his ear (if I can reach it under that bouffant) “you are a dickhead and your penis feels like a dead worm.”
I am not a dickhead for writing this but perhaps I am a dick. I don’t care though because the only person in this scenario that I am going to offend is a dickhead. Fuck you dickhead.
This video and song sums it all up perfectly. See how many of these apply to you.