Tag Archives: #UnHerd


The difficult third book and where next for this masked creature

dating over 30 south africa picsay-1403991698A few weeks ago I launched a pre-order of my latest book Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? It was my most successful release yet and my most perfectly formed book so far.  The formatting, the images, the cover, the concept, it took many years to put together, and was about half completed waaaaaay before my 2012 book release Absurd Agonies.
Now, here I drafting up the plan for my next book and, for the first time in my writing career, I am worried.  I set the bar bloody high with tea and have thrown down a gauntlet at my own beautiful feet.

kennenlernen a1 “Where are you going with your next book, Zelda?” said you, the reader.

http://vedantaiowa.org/?makrosyt=online-dating-awkwardness&618=77 I am restoring a book that was banned in my world but appears to be non-existent here.  I am unable to retrieve the book and so I need to re-write from memory and experience the words once again.  That book is my book of Conspiracies, Ghost, Cryptids, UFOs and the Paranormal.

ucsd dating website What makes this book different to other books in this sort of category is that, first and foremost, it will be written in my delightful fucking style.  Secondly, I am going to try and incorporate as much modern folklore and stories as possible.  Too many books of the ‘unexplained’ keep regurgitating the SAME fucking stories time and time again.  Sure, I will talk about Roswell, and Bigfoot, and The Moon landings, but I will also talk about Slenderman, Dulce, and Reptoids.   The other thing that I will also do is quite openly debunk or ridicule any of the stories that I find bloody stupid.

single frauen bochum My aim for the  finished book, tentatively titled Zelda’s Encylopedia AbsurdicaBloody Monsters, freakin‘ Aliens, stinkin‘ ghosts, God damn UFO’s, queer conspiracies and the rest, is for it to be a fun read that educates those that are into this sort of material, something fun for those that are not, whilst providing a gateway to further investigation of this absurdness.  Ever the intrusive author, I will also pop up throughout with my own thoughts, experiences and takes on what I have been writing about.

single frauen oberösterreich As ever, I will be looking for input from my friends and followers, but I will commit to this when I am sure what I am doing.

Over the past couple of days I drafted up a list of over 250 article headings…. Perhaps I have bitten off more than I can chew… The finished book was banned in my home time.  Let’s see what happens here and now.

Zelda’s Encylopedia Absurdica - Bloody Monsters, freakin‘ Aliens, stinkin‘ ghosts, God damn UFO’s, queer conspiracies and the rest, is scheduled for release in 2016.

In other news, my reviews are back.  I will do this on and off for the rest of the year and gladly accept suggestions of any movies or albums you want me to write about.

Mondo Hotdogs, the follow-up to Tomatoes was started recently, but due to some technical equipment breaking I have had to put that on hold for at least a month.

Until next time….


#BeAbsurd #UnHerd #TEaVIL

Arnie, the racist bastard!

Last Action Hero – Review

Arnie, the racist bastard!

Arnie, the racist bastard!

Ten year old (maybe older,  I dunno) Danny Madigen fucking loves Arnie movies,  especially the Jack Slater series.   Danny’s mum doesn’t give a fuck that her son is watching Arnie stab,  gut, fuck,  shoot and maim his way through countless bad guys.  In fact,  she is hardly home to give a shit anyway.  Even when the kid is handcuffed to a sink and raped by a robber,  Danny’s mum tells him off and goes back to her job at a local strip joint.

Due to the resentment of his mother,  Danny is quickly taken in by an elderly gentleman,  who owns a cinema.  He let’s Danny in to watch movies for NOTHING  and is aware that he is missing time in school.

One day, after the rape,  Danny goes to see his old pal because this guy has promised Danny that he can see the latest Jack Slater movie BEFORE  general release.  When Danny gets to the cinema,  the old guy is dressed up as a bell boy for NO reason at all!  The elderly gent then gives Danny a magic ticket, tells him how valuable and special it is and rips the ticket in two.  Fucking idiot.

Danny settles down to watch the movie and suddenly starts tripping balls.  He appears in the fucking movie!  Danny then proceeds to bare witness to murder and death,  and it doesn’t faze him in the slightest.  In fact, he springs a non-reluctant boner!

Danny pops another boner at the sight of Arnie's gun.

Danny pops another boner at the sight of Arnie’s gun.

Due to Danny seeing the start of the movie, he got to see Charlie Dance,  shoot a guy through the fucking head.  Charlie works for the Dolmeo man,  who Charlie shoots later in the movie.  Double crossing cunt!  Danny tells Jack Slater about Charlie and Charlie overhears the little bastard.

Charlie finds the magic ticket that transported Danny into the film world and uses it to cross into the real world where he then goes and gets the film character who killed Jack Slater’s son.  BAM, fucking Jack comes bursting through with Danny into the real world and he immediately begins to feel weak and woozy due to chemtrails in the air.  He chases Charlie and the bad-un who killed his son, and shoots both of them in the liver.

Danny is all excited and fucking whooping like it’s New Year’s Eve.   He even laps at the dead men’s bullet holes.  Then a strange mist descends on Danny.  He rubs his eyes.  When he opens them he finds himself in the cinema,  hogtied.  The old man smiles and whispers to Danny,  “what made that ticket rencontre avec le pretre pour mariage so fucking magical was the amount of fucking acid that was impregnated into it.”

Danny screams and the old man starts whistling like a kettle before popping.  The screen fades to black, fades back in with the words site de rencontre islamique 10 years later.  We see Danny’s rotten corpse, still hogtied, only now it is being sniffed by a rodent.

Watch this movie if you like:

*Irresponsible parents.
*Widowed mothers.
*Arnie getting randy over classical music.
*A film where the ticket isn’t needed to go into the ‘real world’ after the bad guy uses it.
*Arnie being unable to act as himself but fine as a fictional character.
*A dead body doing a fluff.
*Shit cameos.

I give this movie a rubber baby buggy bumper out of I’ll be back.