Tag Archives: Guinea Pig series

Guinea Pig (series) (1&5) – review

b bar speed dating cambridge Continuing with what I started last week I bring you another two Guinea Pig Movie reviews.  If you are too lazy to read the previous two reviews or do not know what the Guinea Pig movies are then fuck you.  Stop being lazy.  Go here and read the other two reviews!  Christ on a bike, what is it with kids today?

cherche femme pour mariage suisse As you know, I am doing these reviews in the order that I watched these gorgeous movies all those shitting years ago.  Next in the trusty VHS was a terrible copy of….

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rencontres 43 buy orlistat online The Devils Experiment – (Gin? Piggu: Akuma no Jikken) – part 1 of the series

Before I continue, I just want to warn you that I am ill.  I feel like shit.  I have the female equivalent of man flu and I am writing this with such lethargy and hatred.  I would rather be in bed than complete this but I would just lay there sweating and screaming… alone… my loins freezing over like so much old lasagna.

When it comes to wonderful ‘snuff horror’ this is as close as it gets.  And, like the version of Flower of Flesh and Blood that I had, this version had NO subtitles and was of such bad quality it felt like I was witnessing something truly awful.

Out of all of the series, The Devils Experiment is the sickest and most ‘pointless’ of them all.  The story is that a young woman is kidnapped by some fucking mental blokes who subject her to some graphic torture with the aim of observing the human body’s pain and agony threshold.

Kept in a net that is just hanging from some trees, the woman is kicked and beaten repeatedly for fucking ages before being returned to her comfortable net.  As a gift to her ears she is bound and has sounds played into her ears at a volume louder than six meters!  She basically starts to juice at the mouth at this point.  Probably with hunger.  Next her flesh is clamped and twisted on her arm.  Boiling water is tipped onto her.  Finger nails pulled off… um…Maggots and or worms are put on her before the fucking graphic and one of the most difficult to watch scenes ever is directed into us… a needle is pushed through her flesh just under her eye… it is continuously pushed until blood begins to flow from around her eyeball, eventually the needle exits THROUGH her eyeball.

 When I first saw this I was shocked and starving.  I ate pickled onions.

 Although not as graphic when it comes to gore, this film is at a level of shock which set the bar very high for the first part of the series.  This sick fucking bar is never topped with ANY of the other episodes of the series.

 I give this fucker 12 hands full of sloppy guts out of 13.  It’s NASTY shit.

 Here is the trailer for the film… pretty much shows the ‘money shot’

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accutane cost grade He Never Dies – (Gin? Piggu: Senritsu! Shinanai otoko) – part 5 of the series

After watching the Devils Experiment I felt a little odd.  Among the tapes that had arrived with the series of Guinea Pig movies was ‘The making of’.  I was tempted to watch this just to see how the effects were achieved as these movies were before the days of CGI or Play Dough, and I wanted to set my cracked mind at ease that I hadn’t seen a real snuff movie.

Instead of the making of video I went right onto He Never Dies, expecting to see another torture movies but featuring a pointless man for once!  My fingers crossed, then double crossed in anticipation of seeing some scrotal destruction.  Anubis was out that day.

He Never Dies is a comedy.  Yep, a fucking comedy!  No subtitles here and, unlike the other two movies, they were really needed for this one to really get any sense out of what the fuck was going on. 

A man who hates life cuts himself.  Nothing happens.  He bleeds but he doesn’t die! He cuts his hand off and… nope, still having a great time.  I think he hates his life because his girlfriend left him, or because his balls are stolen and made into tiny little bean bags for Japanese field mice.  It was either one of them that pushed him over the edge. The tiny edge.

The immortal bloke realises that Christopher Lambert is going to kill him eventually so invites a bloke from work to his house.  The bloke, Rick, is only too happy to be invited to The Immortals house but when he gets there he gets some guts chucked at him.  The Immortal has stuck a ruler in his own head and then goes and stands by a wall before pulling all of his own guts out.  He somehow cuts his own head off and jokes and sings from a table.  With his head being chopped off and him still being alive Christopher Lambert kills himself.

I am surprised that this has not been picked up for a remake by Welsh people.

I give this film a suicide attempt out of life.

Watch these bastard-fests with your mum and children if you like:

Kidnapped women kept in a net
Women being spun on an office chair until they foam
Eye pokes
Maggots
Comedy
Suicide
Japanese people
No pizza delivery

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Guinea Pig (series) (2&4) – review

Perfect movies for the WHOLE family!

Small, fluffy and sounding like midget R2D2s, guinea pigs are an amazing animal.  Did you know they have been known to lift less than a 3rd of their own body weight?  It was once reported that back in the 1988s that a boy was raised by a cluster of guinea pigs.  Once the boy reached the tender age of seven they devoured him and shit on his skeleton.  Like I said, amazing.

 While we are on the subject of Guinea Pigs I thought it would be a special treat to review a series of films that exposed me to the weird and wonderful world of Japanese gore and their ‘no boundaries’ approach to horror.

 I am taking us back to 1990.  I am sat in my living room clutching a package sent to me from a man I have never met.  The paper comes away in my gloved hands like vodka on a slipstream.  I dissolve the bubble wrap with my heat vision and rescue four high quality video cassettes from flames.  These tapes contained the complete Guinea Pig film series, a series of films that I had only heard about in whispers… in dreams… in conversations with friends.  This series of films started our very small all-girl horror movie nights…

The series is a set of short films depicting gore to the highest level.  No CGI in these fuckers too, which is nice to see.  I don’t care how fucking good CGI gets, you can’t beat ‘real’ blood and hacked limbs.  These films had it all, comedy, sci-fi, horror, romance, and mermaids.

The versions that I had of these movies at the time were unsubtitled but this didn’t really make much difference with a few of the films as dialogue was not important or needed.

For your pleasure here are my reviews of the first two I watched of the series.  I will do the rest when I fucking feel like it!

 

Tumulu does all of my artwork using pus of seven colors

click here to read Mermaid in a Manhole – (Za Gin? Piggu: Manh?ru no naka no Ningyo) – part 4 of the series

The first film I watched of the series was ‘Mermaid in a Manhole’ a fucking crazy film about an artist who is have a shit time because his wife is dead.  One day, as he is taking a little stroll through a sewer he spots a mermaid.  He used to pop down to the sewer and play with faeces as a child and had even encountered this aquatic merbitch back then.  Now, on this special day of celebration, he feels overjoyed at seeing this creature lying in piss.  Turns out that the mermaid is not well, so he takes her home.  Not sure how he does it.  He just does.

The mermaid gets all these blister things all over her, and he starts using the pus to paint a lovely picture of her.  Overtime she starts getting more and more blisters, her eye comes out, maggots and worms or something come out of her mouth, but the artist just continues to paint.  Then he goes fucking mental and chops the mermaid up.  Movie ends with the guy sitting very pleased with the fucking mess he has made.  Among all of this mess is a foetus. 

I give this entry in to the guinea pig series a 7 maggots out of 11

 

“Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?”

http://jewelofmuscat.tv/pijibi/5778 Flower of Flesh and Blood – (Gin? Piggu: Chiniku no Hana) – part 2 of the series

Feeling all warm and fluffy as a result of Mermaid in a Manhole, I then moved onto Flower of Flesh and Blood.  This is one of if not THE most notorious of this wonderful Disney collection.  A woman, enjoying a brisk walk through a street, gets herself caught by a bloke armed with a handkerchief laced with that ever popular drink, chloroform. 

Luckily, when the girl wakes up, she has been tied to a bed by the man, who is now wearing some sort of samurai hat.  Again, no subtitles on this for me so god knows what this gentleman was saying.  From here there is no story.  The fella chops the woman up in close up detail.. and it is the detail that makes this such a delight.  I mean, when he cuts her hand off the fingers curl slightly around his hand.  The bone is broken so he can get those all important limbs off.  And throughout all of it the woman is alive.  I think she is happy.  Once satisfied with the limb removal, the samurai then disembowlels the woman and removed her eye… which he then puts in his mouth.  And, just to finish off, he chops her head off, which flies of in slow motion and fucking POWs into a wall.  Arousing!

I have since seen it on DVD and the clarity kind of spoilt the film for me.  The video I had was a few generations old and the grain covered much of the detail, but also covered some of the more rubbery looking parts of the limbs.  The ‘story’ ends with a nice slow pan of the samurai’s house, decorated in a festive manner with the limbs and body parts of other people.  He then sets off to get more decorations.

 I give this one 10 maggots out of 11!

 Watch both of these films back to back if you like:

A large amount of blood
Mermaids and blood
Juices
Eyes being taken out and sucked
No plots
Maggots
Worms being puked up
Pus
Distortion

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