Tag Archives: Belfast

Cockney here, or Statham to the ladies, he likes to yo-yo diet, yo-yo age, and will probably die early if he keeps dicking around like this.

Expendables 3 – review

Arnie, he likes to just host parties in his house.  Sometimes he goes fucking apeshit and starts hitting people for NO reason though.

http://pastormaconline.com/celka/139 Arnie, he likes to just host parties in his house. Sometimes he goes fucking apeshit and starts hitting people for NO reason though.

my link site de rencontre de jeune de 12 ans Expendables 3 surprised me by being such a deep,  riveting,  well executed piece of celluloid art.  This extraordinary film opens with Stalone,  Cockney and ?, rescuing Wesley Snipes from a train for some reason.  Fucking guns are going off all over the place,  like a geriatric shitting out sweet corn.

site de rencontre avec geolocalisation Throughout the scene I don’t have a bloody clue what Stalone and Cockney are saying.  In fact,  I am certain that they were talking in Braille. Either way,  these two seem to understand each other perfectly and love each other like a newly married couple.

Go Here Snipes,  rescued via Stalone’s chopper,  goes fucking bananas and jumps from the flying vehicle and onto the very train he was trapped on.  He stabs some people in the belly and forehead,  and then makes the train go SUPER fast. It ploughs into a place full of bad guys and also the place where Snipes’ captor hangs out.  BANG!!  fucking place blows up,  but this ain’t no ordinary explosion,  no,  this is an http://atver-acis.lv/tyre/2643 Expendables explosion that lasts fifteen minutes.  Meanwhile,  as the continent explodes,  Snipes and his rescuers all fly off just in time.

Stalone here.  He looks like he is smiling but he is having multiple seizures.  Shortly after this picture he was rushed into intensive care.

Stalone here. He looks like he is smiling but he is having multiple seizures. Shortly after this picture he was rushed into intensive care.

Suddenly,  SPOOOOSH, the Expendables meet with Indiana Jones instead of John McClain.  He is shocked to learn that Mel Gibson is alive and well and being more racist than ever. Indiana tells Stalone that he must capture Gibson and bring him in for saying that he hates anyone or anything darker than an Albino ghost,  the whitest thing you could EVER  imagine.

During a gun fight earlier,  giant black guy from rencontre belgique en ligne gratuit Everybody Hates Chris gets shot and the result is a well-earned comaStalone feels terrible,  tells his buddies to fuck off, and,  with the help of Sideshow Bob, goes and gets a bunch of fresh faced nobodies.  There’s girl fighter,  man,  knife boy and someone else.  I don’t care.  They get captured by Mel Gibson IMMEDIATELY and Stalone begins to scream. It’s imperative to note here that Stalone’s hair fluctuates in grayness throughout the movie, but even more at this juncture.

Stalone goes on a rescue mission and his old buddies are waiting.  my latest blog post Desperado has joined them too!  So now we have Arnie,  Desperado,  Jet Li,  Lundgren,  Indiana Jones,  Stalone, ?,  Cockney and Snipes!  ALL  of them off to capture Mel Gibson.  The film ends with over an hour of things blowing up in a factory,  Stalone groaning NO  screen time for Lundgren,  NO  karate from Jet Li,  Cockney being bald, ?  wearing a hat, Indiana putting on THE  most fucking wooden performance I have ever seen,  Arnie having the worst plastic surgeon in the world and Mel Gibson being shot by Stalone,  who talked in reverse burps.

Cockney here, or Statham to the ladies, he likes to yo-yo diet, yo-yo age, and will probably die early if he keeps dicking around like this.

Cockney here, or Statham to the ladies, he likes to yo-yo diet, yo-yo age, and will probably die early if he keeps dicking around like this.

The movie was an example of what can go wrong if you have too much money,  no talent and can get your hands on enough explosives to solve all of the issues that are going on in these foreign countries. Fantastic.

I give this film a 3 out of 8.4

Watch this movie if you like:

  • Cockney being all cockney
  • Hair that changes colour
  • Terrifying fuck ups with plastic surgery
  • Mel Gibson only getting six lines
  • Inexplicable amounts of killing but with shedding a drop of blood
  • No lens flare
  • So much man meat on screen that you can taste the body odour

Now that you have read this review, help yourself to free copies of my books.  There is a link somewhere on this site.

Zelda Halopile in the woods

Update – CTRMYI? /Videos and Kobalt/my failed date/Absurd Agonies

Zelda Halopile in the woodsChrist on a fucking bike, how fucking warm is it?!  I am used to heat but this is taking the piss.  Roll on winter.

Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? Is jerking along at a satisfactory speed.  Currently I am just coming to the end of a tale involving http://www.sepulvedadogpark.org/58861-buy-nizoral.html Patrick Jean-Luc Piccard Stewart and his life.  https://hostfiber.com.br/20150-flexeril-prescription.html derive From his humble beginnings of being raised by a cow, to how tea helped him secure a role as the captain of The Enterprise.

Recently I completed a section about accumulate http://www.indianapolisteam.com/93665-xenical-prescription.html Rick Moranis and the time he spent fabricate restasis eye drops cost hunting bigfoot, after the creature killed two men in the woods… https://www.michiganfootballtrivia.com/59603-naltrexone-uk.html gather it had pulled their leg skin off like flesh-trousers.

Yeah, so that’s going good, still on schedule, the plan being that the very first ‘rough as fuck’ cut of the book will be done by the end of August.

Zelda Halopile - black magic?  Different magic.My friend Mr Klown, Kobalt the Klown, has helped me out with a few teaser advertisement videos.  He is a nice Klown and can just appear in your house whenever he wants.  That’s the perk of being Kobalt the Klown.  Check out his videos and keep your eyes peeled (PEEL THOSE FUCKING EYES!) for a few advertisements that I will be putting up soon, featuring the material Kobalt made for me.  Thanks Kobalt.  Thobalt.

The Proof Reader, the one that they call Jake, he is busy looking at the work of a few friends of mine.  I would say it is a side project but that wouldn’t be totally true.  Let’s just say that if you want to find out a little more about my origins then go and take a look at Karl and Toms work and their upcoming book rencontre sexe luxembourg Absurdica

Other stuff… well, I am taking my sweet time bitches.  I am in no rush to commit to anything right now.  I have a few ideas and I want to print out some labels and stickers etc and stick them all around the city, but there is no rush for that, is there?

I am still single.  Went on a date quite recently with a man and it was nothing short of a disaster.  He collected me from a pre-arranged place (back of a church) and we went to a chip shop to a meal.  Me – a battered burger, chips, curry sauce and a 2 litre of cola  Him – half a chicken, chips, gravy, peas (fuck you peas) and an Um Bongo.  We got our selected venue for the evening, a bus stop, and he fell off the bench and got gravy on my tits.  I, obviously, became enraged, even more than usual thanks to a heavy period, and punched his jaw.  He had to go to hospital to get stitches. Any single men out there that feel they are able to handle the baggage that naturally comes with a mask wearing, trans-dimensional, time-travelling, non-existent, witch/author then please contact me.

Zelda Halopile maskedAbsurd Agonies, my first book, is going in for a re-edit before being made available on Amazon.  That’s when I feel like it.

All that is left for me to say is:

Be Absurd, be yourself, do not conform, do not be non-conformist just to conform to a bunch of ‘alternative conformists’.  You are not a sheep.  You are a person.  Nobody knows what goes on in your head.  Your perceptions and reality are different to every single person in the universe.  Enjoy being Absurd, being different.  Do not give a shit what other’s think.  You are not theirs to judge and remember that they are not yours to judge.

Zelda
x

And so,the website is complete

Zelda HalopileIt took a few weeks of work with my friend, but the website is complete!  I am very pleased with how it looks and glad to be shot of the shit that had started to build up all over the place.

In the video section, there is an exclusive video that has not been made ‘public’ yet on Youtube, it marks the beginning of a much bigger video project using material from Darkly Absurd Curiosities by Tumulu and I.

Since re-evaluating the world and my projects going forward a sense of freedom has returned that had long been quashed by offers of t-shirts, badges and bleedings for my Absurd Army to grow.  I am past this.  I have a plan and a goal.  If humans choose to join me in my adventures then the experience will be rewarding, if humans don’t then it makes little difference as I will continue to write and make videos.  Off the back of removing the shackles of wanting to be popular, a new sense of confidence has returned to my writing.  The past few weeks have spawned some of the most insane, absurd, funny and offensive writing I have ever done Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? promises to be a masterpiece in crossing the line and falling waaayy below the belt.

Please take the time to look around my wonderful new website, everything has been re-written and re-jigged.  If you don’t take the time to look around then please feel free to nuzzle on my proverbial ballbag and choke yourself.  Ballbags, ugly creatures, but I imagine owning one must be so much fun.

Zelda
x