It’s been a while to say the least, hasn’t it my absurd friend, follower and worshipper.
Over the many months I have been off and about working and helping on a few other projects and things that have required the chunkiest of my attentions. It’s all been worth it and some amazing stuff has come out of it, one of which being a book that may or may not be set in the place that I am from, visit and will go to… more about that can be found here
What’s going on – Website?
A few little things coming up on the website over 2014.
The return of my reviews. I have two to start with but I ain’t be committing to no fucking timeframe of when those first reviews begin. I reckon about March time though. Something like that.
I have plenty of things to review, including the rest of the Harry Potter reviews that I started back in 2012, but will probably ask for review suggestions from you lot now and again.
‘Who do you want to see dead?’ is a new section that I am thinking about. I will give you a list of celebrities and you pick which you want to see dead. I will then portray their demise in a skilful image manipulation. If anyone mentions ANYTHING about the image actually being genuine and is the result of me travelling through a multiverse and actually killing the person and taking a picture of the corpse is lying. I could do that if I wanted to though.
‘Interesting links’ there may be some stuff that I am interested in that, unbelievably, is as interesting as me. I know – what the fuck? Stuff like this CAN happen.
Last year was a quiet year when it came to Zelda fruits. There was the amazing short horror film, ‘Tomatoes a Snuff Film’ that took the world by storm for a three day period. Still gets views every now and again and there are still questions. If the film made you laugh then it did the job. If the film made you uncomfortable then it did the job. If it made you aroused then it wasn’t what I was aiming for but I am happy that it provided you with either a boner or a wet vagina.
I also released a very limited run of ‘Absurd Images’ a large a4 sized book that contained all of my artwork from the start up until about November/December 2013. I made the book for myself for my archives but allowed a small number to be built for fans that wanted to complete their collections. Fucking hell, was that book expensive? But it was as cheap as I could make it as the cunts at Lulu are a bit top heavy when it comes to their expected cut of the funds. You reading this are a fan, and in being a fan I am going to share a link with you so that you may also purchase a copy of this very expensive book if you want…. Here
This year finally sees the release of ‘Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? – and other stuff’ Yep, the title has been adjusted ever so slightly to cover the fact that the book covers a number of other possible side effects from the existence and ingestion of that most evil liquid, tea. CTRMYI? is fantastic, if I do say so myself. The first version was completed back in the middle of 2013 but needed a huge amount of rewriting, adjusting and generally fucking polishing up. I hate this part of writing and so I just put the rough copy onto a number of safe locations and forgot all about it. Until now. A few weeks ago I began to work through the material. There is much that needs to be removed, or at least shifted to the end of the book as a ‘bonus material’. There will only be one version of this book. No dicking around with special editions or any of that crap. One version of a very offensive, funny, and fucked up book! Packed with celebrity stories, historical stories, facts and a bucket load of swearing, ‘Can Tea Really Make You Invisibile? and other stuff’ is something to begin slapping your husband/wife about for.
Oh, and I haven’t forgotten, all of those that suggested celebrities to be in the book will have their name stuck in the thanks section! You lucky fucks!
Recently, I posted a message about a book called Smoke and stated that I would get this out before CTRMYI? but after I began prepping this for release it dawned on me that I was wasting valuable editing time that SHOULD be getting ejaculated into CTRMYI? and so, after asking YOU what YOU wanted then Smoke has now been put on the back burner.
The proof read process for CTRMYI? will take a long time as my friend Jake will have much to read through, during this time I will finish Smoke and so it is possible that this book will be released first.
What is Smoke, Zelda?
It’s shit is what it is… but REALLY funny shit. I wrote this back in the 90s, during my first stabs at both writing and being hilarious! I wrote a series of really stupid stories , printed them and gave them to early Absurd Army members. Oh, how they laughed. And frowned.
Smoke is the first of a series of books that fall into what I call the Absurd Fiction range, a collection of books that are both old and new but are ultimately pure fucking filth, absurdness and generally not worth the paper they are printed on. I would compare them to a Machette 2 or Violent Shit 3, they are fun if you are into that sort of thing… and I am.
Yeah, whatever, but you haven’t told us what Smoke actually is
Fuck off cunt, I am getting to it. Smoke is about an alien that comes to Earth to fight off an alien parasite that only affects old people. This parasite makes old people go fucking nuts and just violently attack EVERYTHING! There is blood, guts, aliens, possession and a whole load of non-sensicalness. I am going to sell it as cheap as possible, it’s about 50 pages or something and don’t want to make any money from it. I will perhaps even make the digital version available for free on this website.
There will be other books to look out for in the Absurd Fiction series and I will let you know when you can get these.
Mondo Hotdogs the next short film coming from my creative nuggets. I have most of the footage gathered for this film but will need to re-shoot a few things to coincide with a slight image change of yours truly. Without going into too much detail, I may have acquired a way to have eyes but I am still unable to get most of the blood stains from my hair and gloves.
Mondo Hotdogs is similar to Tomatoes in that it is food based. Other than that, this film is another that will be different for every person that watches it. Your mood will, your experiences and your interests will all play a part on your perception. It’s going to be sick and sick, and will be popping into your fucking eyes at some stage in 2014.
#BeAbsurd – when I say this I am trying to remind you to be different, be you, welcome the absurdness, and individuality. There are far too many out there that want to be different by merely falling into another bracket, a pretentious cage filled with soup boxes and views. It is fine to have a view if it is your own but never vent your spleen for the ‘likes’ and the popularity. Those mean nothing.
Enjoy yourself and do not give one fuck what others think of you. If you are sad, tell people you are sad. If you are happy, tell people you are happy. If you think someone is a dick, tell them they are a dick.
Look after yourself. Be who you are. You are amazing. The chances of you being in existence are beyond comprehension. One day you will die. It is a promise. Before then, embrace yourself and be the best human you WANT to be. #BeAbsurd
I love you and your parents… I WILL put an index finger in your dad.