Arnie, the racist bastard!

Last Action Hero – Review

Arnie, the racist bastard! Arnie, the racist bastard!

click Ten year old (maybe older,  I dunno) Danny Madigen fucking loves Arnie movies,  especially the Jack Slater series.   Danny’s mum doesn’t give a fuck that her son is watching Arnie stab,  gut, fuck,  shoot and maim his way through countless bad guys.  In fact,  she is hardly home to give a shit anyway.  Even when the kid is handcuffed to a sink and raped by a robber,  Danny’s mum tells him off and goes back to her job at a local strip joint.

tout les nom de site de rencontre Due to the resentment of his mother,  Danny is quickly taken in by an elderly gentleman,  who owns a cinema.  He let’s Danny in to watch movies for NOTHING  and is aware that he is missing time in school.

world of tanks t2 light matchmaking One day, after the rape,  Danny goes to see his old pal because this guy has promised Danny that he can see the latest Jack Slater movie BEFORE  general release.  When Danny gets to the cinema,  the old guy is dressed up as a bell boy for NO reason at all!  The elderly gent then gives Danny a magic ticket, tells him how valuable and special it is and rips the ticket in two.  Fucking idiot.

site de rencontres hommes d'affaires Danny settles down to watch the movie and suddenly starts tripping balls.  He appears in the fucking movie!  Danny then proceeds to bare witness to murder and death,  and it doesn’t faze him in the slightest.  In fact, he springs a non-reluctant boner!

Danny pops another boner at the sight of Arnie's gun. Danny pops another boner at the sight of Arnie’s gun.

Due to Danny seeing the start of the movie, he got to see Charlie Dance,  shoot a guy through the fucking head.  Charlie works for the Dolmeo man,  who Charlie shoots later in the movie.  Double crossing cunt!  Danny tells Jack Slater about Charlie and Charlie overhears the little bastard.

Charlie finds the magic ticket that transported Danny into the film world and uses it to cross into the real world where he then goes and gets the film character who killed Jack Slater’s son.  BAM, fucking Jack comes bursting through with Danny into the real world and he immediately begins to feel weak and woozy due to chemtrails in the air.  He chases Charlie and the bad-un who killed his son, and shoots both of them in the liver.

Danny is all excited and fucking whooping like it’s New Year’s Eve.   He even laps at the dead men’s bullet holes.  Then a strange mist descends on Danny.  He rubs his eyes.  When he opens them he finds himself in the cinema,  hogtied.  The old man smiles and whispers to Danny,  “what made that ticket joueur rencontre xbox one so fucking magical was the amount of fucking acid that was impregnated into it.”

Danny screams and the old man starts whistling like a kettle before popping.  The screen fades to black, fades back in with the words unterschied bekanntschaft und freundschaft 10 years later.  We see Danny’s rotten corpse, still hogtied, only now it is being sniffed by a rodent.

Watch this movie if you like:

*Irresponsible parents.
*Widowed mothers.
*Arnie getting randy over classical music.
*A film where the ticket isn’t needed to go into the ‘real world’ after the bad guy uses it.
*Arnie being unable to act as himself but fine as a fictional character.
*A dead body doing a fluff.
*Shit cameos.

I give this movie a rubber baby buggy bumper out of I’ll be back.

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