Look who died this year! 2012
Every year people die. They are either killed by a cancer, a car, a bear (I didn’t kill my husband) choking on sick, overdose or toaster. It can be sad for some people when this happens to a member of their family. Others may rejoice at the fatality of a friend or member of the family as the person that has died was molesting them or something. I am now going to list a few famous people who have died.
Bob Holness - he presented a show called Blockbusters. That was it. He had grey hair and was friendly to people. In Blockbusters you picked a letter from a board and the question would then be related to the letter. An ongoing joke was when people picked the letter ‘p’ because the contestant would say “Can I have a P please Bob?” and the audience would laugh, Bob would laugh and I would pick up my television and scream “No! Stop the fucking laughing! It is a fucking letter! If the contestant said, Hey Bob can I do a fucking shit and piss up your arse? THEN I would understand why the audience laughed! Fuck you Blockbusters! Fuck you Bob!” but in hindsight I was perhaps over reacting.
Whitney Houston - a scanky drug addled singer. She was found dead in a hotel bath tub. She was so full of cocaine that when the medical crew lifted her body she started spraying cocaine clouds everywhere that resulted in the medical crew overdosing and falling into the bath. The hotel had to be destroyed but that resulted in a global warming in some parts of Japan.
Frank Carson - A delightful Irish fella. He would laugh his god damn head off at his own jokes. I have nothing more to say about this man. One of the rare few people who I respected. Also, he was not a pedophile, which is always good.
Robin Gibb - one of the testicle-less singers from the Bee Gees. He was famous for getting really fucking angry on stage and slapping a roadie for no reason. That roadie was none other than Donald Trump. He sued RObin and that was the beginning of the Trump world domination that has not happened.
Neil Armstrong - Ironically, Neil had the weakest arm in show business. This lunatic claimed that he had been to the moon, when we all know that NOBODY has been to the moon. Even people who reckon they can see the flag with a telescope from Earth are fucking lying. All they can see is swamp gas. Neil, who had been to Spain, was a real party guy, who would fuck up every house he partied in. His death-bed had to be condemned after it was found to be full of prostitutes, beer, and fireworks.
Terry Nutkins - What a guy, Nutkins was a fucking legend. He was bald, but let the remaining rim of hair, that he had around the back and sides of his head, to grow like a massive fur coat. He was on the Really Wild Show a kids program that exposed the dark and strange world of chimps and giraffes. Nutkins trademark saying was “Ever fuck a chimp?” Nutkins never fucked a chimp, but he did have a shit load of women in his time. Really nice ones too. So nice that even I, a red-blooded female, would probably have a pop at.
Sir Patrick Moore - Better known as the Games Master. Pat’s big lumbering fucking head would appear and he would instruct a retarded child on how they could get past a level on Mario, get infinite lives on CJ’s Elephant Antics on the C64 (type in hairyrseholes) or both be the same character on Streetfighter 2 on the Snes (Down R, Up L, Y, B, X, A). Pat also liked space and did a little program on the BBC about darkness.
There have been loads of other people who died who are a bit famous, but these are my favourite ones. Now that they are dead they no longer have to watch their planet turn into a big spinning pile of airheaded fuckwits, spoiled teenage cunts, Facebook fakes, crime hungry twats and dreamless soulless unimaginative shades of beige, brown and cream.
Rest in peace. And you living people, make the world better, slap anyone you see that is very fat and is wearing leggings. Throw a brick at a person who is wearing a tracksuit and clearly doesn’t do sport.