Guinea Pig (series) (2&4) – review

view it now Perfect movies for the WHOLE family!

navigate to this web-site Small, fluffy and sounding like midget R2D2s, guinea pigs are an amazing animal.  Did you know they have been known to lift less than a 3rd of their own body weight?  It was once reported that back in the 1988s that a boy was raised by a cluster of guinea pigs.  Once the boy reached the tender age of seven they devoured him and shit on his skeleton.  Like I said, amazing.

more info here  While we are on the subject of Guinea Pigs I thought it would be a special treat to review a series of films that exposed me to the weird and wonderful world of Japanese gore and their ‘no boundaries’ approach to horror.

 I am taking us back to 1990.  I am sat in my living room clutching a package sent to me from a man I have never met.  The paper comes away in my gloved hands like vodka on a slipstream.  I dissolve the bubble wrap with my heat vision and rescue four high quality video cassettes from flames.  These tapes contained the complete Guinea Pig film series, a series of films that I had only heard about in whispers… in dreams… in conversations with friends.  This series of films started our very small all-girl horror movie nights…

The series is a set of short films depicting gore to the highest level.  No CGI in these fuckers too, which is nice to see.  I don’t care how fucking good CGI gets, you can’t beat ‘real’ blood and hacked limbs.  These films had it all, comedy, sci-fi, horror, romance, and mermaids.

The versions that I had of these movies at the time were unsubtitled but this didn’t really make much difference with a few of the films as dialogue was not important or needed.

For your pleasure here are my reviews of the first two I watched of the series.  I will do the rest when I fucking feel like it!


Tumulu does all of my artwork using pus of seven colors Mermaid in a Manhole – (Za Gin? Piggu: Manh?ru no naka no Ningyo) – part 4 of the series

The first film I watched of the series was ‘Mermaid in a Manhole’ a fucking crazy film about an artist who is have a shit time because his wife is dead.  One day, as he is taking a little stroll through a sewer he spots a mermaid.  He used to pop down to the sewer and play with faeces as a child and had even encountered this aquatic merbitch back then.  Now, on this special day of celebration, he feels overjoyed at seeing this creature lying in piss.  Turns out that the mermaid is not well, so he takes her home.  Not sure how he does it.  He just does.

The mermaid gets all these blister things all over her, and he starts using the pus to paint a lovely picture of her.  Overtime she starts getting more and more blisters, her eye comes out, maggots and worms or something come out of her mouth, but the artist just continues to paint.  Then he goes fucking mental and chops the mermaid up.  Movie ends with the guy sitting very pleased with the fucking mess he has made.  Among all of this mess is a foetus. 

I give this entry in to the guinea pig series a 7 maggots out of 11


“Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?”

here are the findings Flower of Flesh and Blood – (Gin? Piggu: Chiniku no Hana) – part 2 of the series

Feeling all warm and fluffy as a result of Mermaid in a Manhole, I then moved onto Flower of Flesh and Blood.  This is one of if not THE most notorious of this wonderful Disney collection.  A woman, enjoying a brisk walk through a street, gets herself caught by a bloke armed with a handkerchief laced with that ever popular drink, chloroform. 

Luckily, when the girl wakes up, she has been tied to a bed by the man, who is now wearing some sort of samurai hat.  Again, no subtitles on this for me so god knows what this gentleman was saying.  From here there is no story.  The fella chops the woman up in close up detail.. and it is the detail that makes this such a delight.  I mean, when he cuts her hand off the fingers curl slightly around his hand.  The bone is broken so he can get those all important limbs off.  And throughout all of it the woman is alive.  I think she is happy.  Once satisfied with the limb removal, the samurai then disembowlels the woman and removed her eye… which he then puts in his mouth.  And, just to finish off, he chops her head off, which flies of in slow motion and fucking POWs into a wall.  Arousing!

I have since seen it on DVD and the clarity kind of spoilt the film for me.  The video I had was a few generations old and the grain covered much of the detail, but also covered some of the more rubbery looking parts of the limbs.  The ‘story’ ends with a nice slow pan of the samurai’s house, decorated in a festive manner with the limbs and body parts of other people.  He then sets off to get more decorations.

 I give this one 10 maggots out of 11!

 Watch both of these films back to back if you like:

A large amount of blood
Mermaids and blood
Eyes being taken out and sucked
No plots
Worms being puked up
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